a writer's blog

Reddit Goodness: Realistic Company Slogans

brand meets world

brand meets world

While some reddit threads are outright toxic, lots of them are pure gold.

In June, reddit user Mrguess posted the question: “If companies had realistic slogans what would they be?”, which accumulated 16K+ comments so far.

That should tell us something about how users and marketers see the world, respectively.

Here are some of my favorites. Enjoy!

  • AOL: Still here
  • Sallie Mae: Why retire when you can work FOREVER?
  • Febreeze: Making your restrooms smell like flowers AND shit
  • AVG: Using all your processing power so you can’t run viruses
  • Walmart: Home of 53 registers, with only 3 open
  • Axe: Smell like a sixth grader
  • Radioshack: You’ve got questions? We’ve got blank stares.
  • Applebee’s: We figured out a way to fuck up salad
  • United Airlines: You’ll wish you would have walked
  • Nike: just buy it
  • Denny’s: Because it’s 2 am, you’re drunk, and you need pancakes
  • Denny’s: You never go to Denny’s. You just end up at Denny’s.
  • Facebook: Hey, Your Grandma wants more virtual sheep
  • 1 800 Flowers…the cheapest way to say you remembered your anniversary an hour ago
  • Mountain Dew—Because who really needs teeth?
  • Bank of America: Bend over
  • EA: Slogan DLC not installed
  • BP: lol, our bad
  • Nokia: connecting bricks
  • Evian: Our name backwards is exactly what you are
  • Microsoft: Hey look! It compiled…Ship it!!
  • Motel 6: Calling coffee a continental breakfast since ’65
  • Monsanto: Still not as bad as Hitler, but we are doing our best
  • Monsanto: Hitler wishes he had our genes
  • Ziplock: Keep your weed fresh!
  • Disney—Doing our part to destroy fair use since 1976
  • World of Warcraft: Eleven million virgins can’t be wrong!
  • Nestle: We’d patent your piss if you’d drink it
  • Best Buy: All the things you will buy on Amazon
  • Marlboro: Who wants to be eighty anyways?

If you have something valuable to add or some interesting point to discuss, I’ll be looking forward to meeting you at Mastodon!

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