“There are people who believe that dinosaurs and men lived together. There are museums that children go to, in which they built dioramas to show them this.”
Among my favorite skits from Lewis Black. Interestingly, he started his career writing plays for the theater.
The clip gets yanked from YouTube from time to time by the robber barons, so if it’s gone, drop me a note and I will renew the link. Black’s Website is here. The unauthorized transcription is mine.
Lewis Black—The Devil’s Handiwork
Was the earth created in seven days? No. For those of you who believe it was, for you Christians, let me tell you, then you do not understand the Jewish people. We Jews understand that it did not take place in seven days, and that’s ’cause we know what we’re good at, and what we’re really good at is bullshittin’. This is a wonderful story that was told to the people in the desert in order to distract them from the fact that they did not have air conditioning.
I would love to have the faith to believe that it took place in seven days, but—I have thoughts. And that can really fuck up the faith thing, just ask any Catholic priest.
And then there are fossils. Whenever anybody tries to tell me, that they believe it took place in seven days, I reach for a fossil, and go, “fossil.” And if they keep talking I throw it just over their head.
There are people who believe that dinosaurs and men lived together. That they roamed the earth at the same time. There are museums that children go to, in which they built dioramas to show them this. And what this is, purely and simply, is a clinical psychotic reaction. They are crazy. They are stone cold fuck nuts. I can’t be kind about this because these people are watching The Flintstones as if it were a documentary.
The first time, uh, that I ever talked about this was in Georgia. That’s… that’s what we call a comic faux pas. A gentleman came up to me, wanted to talk about it, umm, it was at this point in time that I realized that really this is where we have our problem. This is a big problem in this country. He had his set of beliefs and I had mine, and this makes it tough, because evolution is a major thread in the larger tapestry that I like to call Reality! He said, “Lewis, fossils are the handiwork of the devil.” … I had to remind myself to breathe! I’d been tasered by the concept of the devil. Something I did not quite understand, apparently the devil is like Wile E. Coyote, only he is evil, and he has a factory where he makes fossils. And he sends his minions to scatter them across the earth every day, in order to confuse my tiny Jewish brain.